How does one heal from a broken heart? How does one recover when a trusted friend stabs you in the back or a loved one hurts you so deeply?
Though it’s incredibly difficult, we must step into the other person’s shoes in order to see exactly where they are coming from; this is helpful to find compassion. From that place of compassion, we ask:
- Can I give up the belief that I was victimized?
- Can I let go the notion that I was wronged?
- What happens if I surrender wanting to be right?
- Can I let go of the hurt and the desire for the situation to be different?
- Can I accept this person exactly as they are?
- Can I be true to the hurt I feel?
If we can, we find compassion, forgiveness and freedom. By doing so, we do not justify or excuse their actions, but we see things from the high road, without the illusion of pain. We all have our junk—our insecurities, our false beliefs, and our illusions of the way the world is or should be.
Hurting people hurt people
If we can see with compassion, that hurting people hurt people, we slowly forgive hurtful behavior and see that it most likely had nothing to do with us, and everything to do with them. They may even be acting out a cycle of hurt that they have had in their past by someone they trusted and loved.
Seeing clearly, we then allow ourselves time to grieve the loss and find compassion for ourselves, to invite in healing. The more layers of grief we shed, the closer we are to forgiveness and freedom. The wounded space in our hearts can cry, it can grieve, but then we must surrender the need to be right and the desire for things to be different. We need to be conscious to stop the cycle of hurt and not act it out on others, while we take the time to grieve.
When we do this, we very gently let the person go and we let the situation and pain go, as we move forward with an open heart. Although we may want to build walls around our hearts to not get hurt anymore, we need to resist that impulse and understand that closing off will prevent healing and deter love from coming our way. It’s when we open to love that it surrounds us.
We see that this experience happened because it happened and there is a lesson there for us. We can choose to let go of victim mode and forgive so that we may be free.
Forgiveness is for, not for them.
We work to forgive to ease our pain. Forgiveness is for you, not for them. Pain dissipates and our broken hearts slowly heal with compassion, forgiveness and time.
It’s important to see, too, that this person may not even know they broke your heart, because they are so wrapped up in their hurt. If we step back and allow that to be okay, accepting it just as it is, we can take a giant step toward our own healing and peace. If we allow ourselves to mourn the loss of what was once a great and trusted friendship or love that brought us much joy, we do not dismiss that or push it away, and are true to what we feel. We experience fully what we feel, but don’t get hooked into creating more hurt or pain with thoughts of not being good enough or self-loathing.
What we need to do next in these situations is accept this change in the relationship and move on. We can steer clear of this person, remove their negativity from our lives and open our hearts to new friendships, using the past to teach us to be better versions of ourselves. We choose to let this person go and surrender the control they have over us.
The choice is always ours.
We can let go of the hurt. We can heal. We can choose to be happy instead of defeated. We can move forward and build quality relationships. We choose to forgive. We choose freedom. The choice is ours.