Life is a paradox. Life is unknown for each of us. I recently found myself in the midst of paradox as I began my uncharted journey into motherhood, the same time my mother’s journey was coming to an end. When i think about how much I love being a mother, I naturally think about my mom. I think of the times of wellness and the times of love. Opening my heart to forgiveness, compassion and love allowed me to soften around the challenging paradoxes of life and find peace.
The path to God is the quest to return home, to return to love. Through this journey of life, I have learned that obtaining that love isn’t reserved for death, it’s hidden in each moment, in the here and now. It’s in the faces of our loved ones, the ebb and flow of a deep breath, in the experiences of life when we feel at ease after we survive the storm.
In love, fear dissolves and we return home to God, which is accessible in each moment. Pain and suffering block the path, block the flow of divine love and when that pain is released, we are free.
I feel peace knowing my mother is resting in the loving embrace of the Lord, with loved ones that have passed before her, at home, free from resistance and pain. She has returned to her true self, as a daughter, a sister, a wife, a mother, a cousin, an aunt and a grandmother; back home to love, on God’s golden shore.
I knew her as mom and was so grateful to see her as a grandma. As a little girl, I was secretly obsessed with caricatures of her and dad in the basement, pictures of her from the beach, wearing her jewelry and trying on her shoes every chance I got. I loved searching the closet for Christmas presents amidst her work clothes just so i could feel like I was close to her.
Memories of coming home from school to fresh baked chocolate chip cookies, hot chocolate and marshmallows after playing in the snow, making bags of popcorn for the summer drive-in movies and watermelon after a long day of swimming in the pool are forever in my heart. She shared her talents and joy when she helped the whole cast with hair and make-up for all of our school plays. I so appreciated having her by our side for girl scout camping trips and school field trips.
She taught us about the world through her eyes as best she could and is in a place now where she can love us without resistance or fear. Her suffering has passed and she is home at last, with peace and eternal love filling our hearts with memories. She is an eternal spirit, like us all, thriving in joy and unconditional love and peace.
Though we feel sadness now, all we must do is be still, find God in our hearts, and she will lovingly greet us there.
I pray we all know God’s love, comfort and peace in this challenging time. Peace be with you.